i am like you,,i get lost in emotion and commotion. (agitation)

after fever has diminshed , i then realize i was right but wrong
right , for being human and expressive...wrong, by being brutish in the delivery.

and another fuel to that fire-heat, was liquor.
that horrible eve, was the lack of companionship and communication on your part - not wanting to be with me.     (or so it seemd to be)
so ii DRANK- DRANK drank ...drank drank..
the feeling that you are embarassed to be seen with me.. or the wanting of others to KNOW we are together. 
i blame you too.
becuz it DOES take 2.
action for every reaction.

::::self realization:
i honestly know NOW, that, from our colorful-dreaded past hardships ;
my soul is taking it out on you..when intoxicated with remorse and altered state.
(those are my footnotes from past)
not saying UNFAIR, but it hurts.
hurts me that i hurt you.:::::

back to present:
im not sure if u truly understand i drink NOT to get drunk
but to subdue the pain of  heightend feelings.
to numb temporaily; so that i can focus and laugh.
(becuz sometimes i forget - to breath and laugh)
that night may have seemed like past horrible happens..but it wasnt.
i will not live in the past events.
but I now know better,
to make the present,
a gift from the past for renewel towards the future.
(a happier and loving future)

cont. . . .